Why Resistance is a Good Thing
The following is an excerpt from my book, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: a path to peace and power.
Expect Resistance:
There’s no shortage of psychoanalytical jargon describing the human inclination to push away from that which one most deeply desires. I prefer the simple term “resistance.”
Expressions like “You’re your own worst enemy” and “Get out of your own way” allude to the self-sabotaging nature of resistance: we internally fight against what we know is right for us.
All human beings encounter resistance; it’s as natural as sneezing. You want to get out of that relationship you know isn’t right for you? Expect resistance. You want to advance to the next level of your career, which you know in your bones you’re ready for? Expect resistance. You want to write a book, start a company, stop smoking, connect more meaningfully with your kids, create art, breathe deeply, go to bed earlier, mail a letter, eat a salad, do anything that’s not explicitly self-destructive? Expect resistance.
Artist extraordinaire Steven Pressfield describes resistance well:
“Resistance is an impartial force of nature, like gravity…The appearance of resistance is by definition a good sign, because resistance never appears except when preceded by a dream. The dream arises in our psyche (even if we deny it, even if we fail to or refuse to recognize it) like a tree ascending into the sunshine. Simultaneously the dream’s shadow appears - i.e. resistance - just as a physical tree casts a physical shadow. That’s a law of nature. Where there is a dream, there is resistance. Thus: where we encounter resistance, somewhere nearby is a dream.”
The bigger the dream, the bigger the shadow (the more resistance there is). Resistance is a good thing; it means you’re on to something real. There’s no need to personalize the fact that you encounter resistance. Resistance is an inextricable part of growth, one that doesn’t stop once you become “healthy.”
No matter how good you get, no matter how far you advance, no matter what you do to evolve, resistance mutates itself alongside your growth. While there are endless examples of resistance, at the core, resistance for perfectionists involves resisting your inherent worth.
The remedy to resistance is not discipline; it’s pleasure. Pleasure is an antidote for so much. Find what brings you pleasure and you will find your way back home to yourself.
Katherine Morgan Schafler is an NYC-based psychotherapist, author, and speaker. For more of her work: get her book, follow her on Instagram, subscribe to her newsletter, or visit her site.