The 5 Stages of Change

Here’s the thing I wish everyone knew about change: it happens in five distinct stages. The part most people think of as “real” change? That part is actually stage four. Read on to find out which stage you’re in.

Most people operate under the assumption that change is a one-step process that’s achieved by starting something or stopping something. For example, if you want to work out regularly, you just have to do it. If you want to quit smoking, you just have to quit.

Simplifying change to a one-step process makes change seem easier in the short-term (presumption of future success motivates us to try) and sabotages us in the long-term (we can’t figure out why it’s so hard to do something so damn simple).

Let’s discuss.

So. It’s the 1970’s. After studying what made some smokers quit while others struggled, two researchers notice something surprising: not knowing that change unfolds in stages sabotages one’s ability to successfully change.

What did Dr. James Prochaska and Dr. Carlo DiClemente decide to do about what they noticed? They created an officially official five-stage model of change.

How has this model of change been around for fifty fucking years and we’re just hearing about it now?

I don’t know.

What I do know: understanding that change unfolds in five stages helps a lot of people appreciate how much energy goes into changing; that appreciation leads to greater compassion and patience with oneself, along with an increased willingness to connect to support.

Guess what greater compassion, patience, and willingness to connect to support leads to…

Yep. Successfully changing.

Before I explain each stage, I have to (have to) tell you that stage two is one of the best kept secrets in the world of mental health: just thinking about what you’d like to change without doing a single thing about it is a stage of change.

I know. It’s wild: just thinking about stuff for a while is how you enact change.

The notion that simply thinking about what you want to change is a legitimate – in fact critical – stage of change is so rational and obvious after you hear it (of course you need to think about what you’d like to change and how you’d like to change it before you actually change).

Yet, when trying to gauge our progress, so many of us encounter the following sentiment:  

All I do is think about changing X and talk about changing X, but I don't actually do it. 

You already know the thoughts you think impact the feelings you feel. Do know what the above thought makes people feel?

Stuck.

And that’s just the first shitty thing it makes you feel.

The more the thought “All I do is think about changing without actually doing anything” runs laps in your mind, you may also begin to feel lazy, not smart enough, doubtful that you really want the change you say you want, embarrassed, angry, etc.

The negative thoughts compound into a whole false narrative about how you’re bad in some way.

You start to believe you’re someone who isn’t capable of change.

All of this is in your head.   

When negative thoughts are running loose in your mind, you need to trip them on purpose. Make them fall. Slow them down.

Tripping a negative thought (referred to in cognitive behavioral therapy as ‘disrupting faulty thinking’) won’t make the negative thought disappear. That’s fine. You don’t need the negative thought to disappear, you just need to recognize it for what it is – a thought you can change.

Thoughts are not facts, said every therapist ever.

You trip a negative thought by inviting positive, solution-oriented thoughts into your mind. Thoughts like:

What if I *am* someone who’s capable of change?

What if I’m ready right now?

What are the next two things I need to do to reach my goal?

What if I do those two things now?

What is the actual problem here?

What if figuring out how to solve the problem could be fun?

What if connecting with other people who share similar goals could be useful?

What’s one thing I can do now to make this process more enjoyable?

Who is one person I could reach out to now who could make this process easier?

Don’t want to answer any of those questions?

That’s fine. You don’t have to. Just read on to understand the five stages of change:

1. Pre-contemplation: You're not thinking about changing. You’re just living your life and collecting experiences.

2. Contemplation: You begin to encounter repeating thoughts and feelings about that little collection of experiences you’ve gathered. Some things are working well for you; others are not. You start thinking about whether you’d like to change, how you’d like to change, when you’d like to change, why you’d like to change, etc.

You don't actually change anything in the second stage.

3. Preparation: By this stage, you’ve decided that you want to change, and you prepare to enact the change. You might ask around to see how others have successfully made similar changes. You might start ordering books or attending workshops. You might make some purchases that enable the change (a kettlebell, for example). You might begin announcing to people that you’re about to make the change.

4. Action: The action stage is marked by behavioral changes. Using the kettlebell you bought, for example.  This is the stage that most people associate with change because it's the stage that's most visible. If you’ve made it all the way to this stage, it’s taken a whole hell of lot of mental energy, time, reflection, work, and emotional risk. No matter what happens next, you have much to be proud of.

5. Maintenance: A crucial and overlooked stage. It can take so long to decide on what you’d like to change. After deciding, you have to prepare for the change. After preparing, you have to enact the change and try to find your rhythm as you incorporate the change into your life. By the time you get to the part where you’re actually doing the thing you said you would do, it’s easy to think the tough work is behind you and you can hit cruise control now. Nope.

Ironically, the maintenance stage is the one that requires the most support.

Regression is a natural part of growth. You will regress, and when you do, you need support around you to remind you that regression and failure are not the same thing.

Without support around you after a regression, getting back on track feels like starting over at square one (which it’s not). Temporary changes are easy; maintaining the change is the real work.

It’s normal to stumble through the action and maintenance stage. Stumbling and falling helps you discover where the bumpy parts of the path are for you. Through your mistakes, you’ll learn how to better prevent future mistakes. You’ll mine for loop holes that you then begin to tie off.

Regression becomes less frequent when you stop misinterpreting it as failure.

With the exception of pre-contemplation, each stage of change requires a great deal of work, attention, time, and energy. Thinking is included in this work.  

Our identities, responsibilities, roles, and desires are fluid and require regular recalibration through reflection (i.e. thinking).

Ok – so go back to the thing you’re trying to change. Realize that you’re farther along than you previously considered yourself to be. Keep going.

Katherine Morgan Schafler is an NYC-based psychotherapist, author, and speaker. For more of her work: get her book, follow her on Instagram, subscribe to her newsletter, or visit her site.