This One Question Reveals What’s Meaningful to You

The following is an excerpt from the book, “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: a path to peace and power.”

What penetrates us with meaning doesn’t have to be steeped in gravity or righteousness. You can believe in the power of eye contact, the importance of public libraries, or being the one who always brings the good snacks.

Meaning is an equalizing affair; the lightest touch seeps just as deep.

You have the power to assign meaning to whatever you choose. You also have the power to take what’s meaningful to you and bring it to life through personal policy.

For example, if you believe eye contact has the power to validate others and you find meaning in that, then you enact a policy of making eye contact with each human being you encounter, and your life becomes more meaningful.

If you don’t know what’s meaningful to you, ask yourself this question:

What’s sum is greater than the whole of its parts?

Music, for example, is a sequence of notes played at a particular cadence. If you believe a song is more than a sequence of notes played at a particular cadence, then music holds meaning for you.

Meaning transforms something literal into something figurative.

When you connect to something meaningful, you get perspective and purpose, but you don’t get control.

You want to make something? You don’t get to control whether others like it. You want to love someone? You don’t get to control how safe they are at all times.

It’s terrifying to bring more meaning into your life. There’s no special hat trick for making the fear disappear.

Remember that most of what you’re afraid of exists only in your mind, then let the paper tigers roar.

Invite meaning anyway. A person who understands that they can use their everyday life to animate what’s meaningful to them is a person who is in touch with their power.

Katherine Morgan Schafler is an NYC-based psychotherapist, author, and speaker. For more of her work: get her book, follow her on Instagram, subscribe to her newsletter, or visit her site.